The Long Tail of Epiphany

Parts of three liturgical seasons have passed since I was last here: the latter half of Advent, all of Christmas, and most of Epiphany. I can definitely say that Epiphany this year was revelatory but in some pretty rocky ways and distinctly of the less is more variety.

Despite all my excitement regarding the Academy last fall and the hope that came with the feeling that I was finally getting somewhere (whatever that means), I have come to see that not only was I unable to keep up in the new term given my hypo-depressive state, but I also had really good reasons for letting that trajectory go. That was just over two weeks ago.

There are a number of factors behind discerning such a choice. They largely fall into two categories which might appear to be contradictory, though in practice they are not given the nature of my community:

1. My monastic stability was at risk of being permanently impaired. My connections and avenues of service at my church home as well as through work and my personal life were under nearly terminal strain from the striving for the future and the work itself associated with the Academy. I came to realize that where I already found myself was were I wanted to be and I was losing the ability to be present to it.

2. I am very likely too religiously multivalent to fare well in the official discernment process and administration of the church even in a denomination as progressive as this one. However I can be a very happy and hopefully helpful member of this expression of the body of Christ.

So I have been steadily been building that reality back up during this long tail of Epiphany and its collection of small nudges leading to big shifts.

My subjunctive adventure continues...