The conflicted field at the edge of mystery

I'm watching a speech given by Sister Mary Ann Scofield at the 20th Anniversary conference of Spiritual Directors International. She named something that I've experienced time and again these past few years. As people were encouraging her to coordinate a networking group for spiritual director, she admits that she felt both attraction and resistance. She recommends that when those two are experienced at the same time we are very close to the mystery. It reminds me of the consolations and desolations described by a spiritual director of Jesuit background that was one of the teachers for a class I took last year. Feeling compelled to move forward just as you are wishing you could simply flee the place and tasks ahead does indeed seem to be part of the field surrounding "the narrow gate" to which we are called.

I would run, but what would be left and where would I go? I know that I am getting closer and closer to that which seems to be real, mutual, and of genuine hope. The details and the necessary tasks can be worked through. Jesus said in many ways, that which needs to be done will be done. Just come and see, let the worriers take care of themselves.

One more step on the road.